aliff & exams

Exams are proving to be one hell of a pain in the neck, particularly in my case. Reminiscing my very first encounter with exams, I realized since day 1 that I would not be loving it. Then it goes on and on and on,bombarding me every year with all the torturous questions that could possibly be inflicted to any man on the street. Yet I did prevailed against two of the biggest exams ever. The first one proved to be a major turning point, as it helped me to gain entrance to my secondary school. It took me 3 years to realize that what I had achieved back then was almost, if not exactly, nothing. Then another huge exam showed up. Already rotten from the day of my previous exam, this one proved to be a much tougher nut to crack. Instead of 5, now I have to face 8 subjects. On the road to the faithful day of this exam, my life was transformed to a living Hell on Earth. I was threatened and belittled by almost everyone. But that year did taught me many things though. I remember, it was some few weeks before the day arrives. Some of us may had lost enough sanity, to the extend that we actually studied at the stairs just below the Physics Lab. Gadut, Jibong, Bacok and myself were among them. You guys remember that? Memorable, wasn't it? Then the night before we had to endure our first paper, all of us stood in front of the Form 3 classes before singing numerous songs. You know what, I broke down to tears everytime those flascbacks of that night passes through the screen of my brain. Funny, isn't it?

Then its the final chapter of my story as a schoolboy. The exam that would prove to be a larger bargain as it directed me to the field that I need to go. Frankly, thanks to this one, I made new friends all around Malaysia,largely due to the fact that I need to get exercise questions from other schools. Some of whom I knew were just for friends,knowing them for mere academical purposes. Yet some others were for different reasons, flirtuous reasons I supposed. A normal phenomenon, especially when you're studying at a boarding school. Nevertheless, thanks guys, really appreciate all the assists.

Then I entered a new alma-mater. I'm older, but not in anyway wiser. Its my cup of tea,but I played around too much. The same tough-luck would prove to be the case after I transferred to a new university.

Exams were created to enhance and measure the level of knowledge gained by a student. So, what did I gained after all these years of exams? Never really sure of that, guess I might be a little wacko with this upcoming examination of mine. Maybe that is the reason that triggered me to create this post at the first place.

To all of my trusted law compatriots, good luck to you guys. Try to memorize all those relevant acts and cases. I'm trying hard here myself . May we pass this one with flying colours.

just let it be untitled.....

"Has anything you've done,you've gain so far, made your life better in any way? If it is so, persuade me to believe it......"

OK to begin with, it has never been something orthodox to be asked such questions by your dad, especially on the wake of your 8th month anniversary with your girlfriend. Yet guess what, it did happen. The question was uttered at an approximate 22 hours right before this particular post was written. Never knew why he even had the fundamental idea to ask this though, yet it did became a wake up call for me, sort of. His words for me are as subtle as the blowing wind. Yet, it carries with it a wisdom that makes people sit and think for awhile.

Today did not started as well as I would reasonably hope for. I had to endure a not-so-rare Motivation Session conducted by non other than (drum roll please....) my dad.

"Kau boleh tak cuba bawak kereta tu baik-baik sikit? Semalam dah habis RM 500 pasal nak betulkan stering kereta tu. Cuba ko fikir,kalau duit tu abah bagi buta-buta kat kau? Tak ke lagi baik?"

It was rather straight-forward. There is nothing subliminal about this one. Then before I could even pull the strings of myself back together, this one pops out :

" Cuba belajar berjimat sikit. Hargai barang yang ada. Jangan asyik nak beli yang bukan-bukan. 5 tahun abah hantar kau belajar jauh-jauh dulu, apa yang kau dapat? Fikir pasal masa depan,apa yang boleh guna dengan duit tu. Dulu elok je jaga duit, sekarang ni makin teruk la abah tengok kau ni. Belajar hancur, belanja tak menentu.."

Coming to my senses once more, my life had started to deteriorate since the past few months, financially to be exact. This never happened before during my earlier days here. That "red machine" that I've been using lately. There is without a shadow of a doubt that it is the root of all my downfall and continuing problems. I'm contemplating to leave it at home by the end of this semester though. Easier to be said than done, I reckon.....

Abah told me that I should control my expenses as my future's foundation. Man, guess I've been quite a spender now. Regardless of the fact that my father has been reluctant to lend me money nowadays, the way I live now seems to contribute to how pennyless I am.

After hours of consultations with my inner-self, I guess that I've found the ultimate solution. Guess it would be foolish of me to reveal it now. Just going to keep it as a secret....

compilation.....for me.....

"You know, I didn't meant to utter all of these nonsence. But hey, its for your own good, I suppose. You are approaching the second decade of your living life on God's Earth. I watch you grew up to become this not-so-handsome lad right in front of me. On course of that, I kind of noticed some facts about you. You're not that kind,you're not that nice...but you're such a considerate kind of fellow. The world seldom witnessed the wrath of you anger. Still, you're quite nice towards all of your companions. Everytime you're scholded buy any of them, you stood on your ground,silently that is. You supported the one's you knew or love in every single way you could possibly manage. You tried to be Mr. Nice Guy for most of your daily life.

Straight to the point, where did all of those deeds led you to? I know, towards your own downfall to the darkest off all obscurity,right? Look at you, your life started a little brightly here back then. Now,is there still any brightness in it? You gave your trust,your love, your heart to the one's you believed, but did that in any way assist you in your own self-developement? You backed them up everytime they're facing difficulties. But did they carry such noble act for you in return? Just look at those guys. They are having a much better life right now.... and you, ended up being beneath their shadows,though primarily you're slightly better than them. Besides, its noticeable that you're such a caring guy to the one's you love. You sacrificed almost anything for them. Your tender love is so great that you acted as their father,giving dozens of advises for the sake of their well-being. One question, did they even give a damn on all your kind blabbers? They continued to do the things you tried to abstain them from doing so. So what is the value of your so-called "love"?

For your own sake, its time for you to enter a new age, a new era. The era of selfishness. Put in your tiny brain that no one should be trusted. They are only using you as a mere stepping stone. To simplify, you are an apparatus for them. You don't believe me? Try to leave that car of yours at home for a week,just  a week. Lets see how many friends,companions would you have for that particular 7 days. Think about yourself only onwards. Be free to do whatever you like,whenever you like. Don't be obstacled by anyone,even by the ones you cared about, besides your parents. Do not simply presume a friend you just knew for not that long to be a brother, nor a sister. Remember those boys that you knew for five years? Yes, they are the only brothers you could rely on.

For once in that miserable and catastrophic life of yours, please do not seek the truth from sentiments. Stop laying your trust towards others. Stop being treated like a rubbish by others. Be selfish, be hypocrite...that is who you are,right?"

semangat yang hampeh

Daripada gua tingkatan 1 lagi,sampai la gua dah jadi budak universiti. Gua tak habis-habis akan nampak akan kewujudan satu jenis semangat ni. Gua tak faham, apa yang nak dibanggakan sangat dengan semangat ni?  Lu olang tau tak, negara kita ni dah la kecik, lu olang mau kasi lagi kecik ke? Jalan sana-sini,semua nak dengan orang negeri sama saja. Bapak tak ada life nye. Gua tak tuju  negeri bai,tapi lebih pada individu-individu yang terlebih semangat dengan negeri sendiri ni. Dah duduk dekat negeri orang tu, tak payah la nak buat klik-klik ni. Gua menyampah la bai. Orang negara luar punya la bersatu. Indonesia siap dah tetapkan hanya ada satu bangsa saja dekat negara tu (bangsa Indonesia), negara kita ni saja yang masih biarkan semangat ni wujud lagi.

Bagi gua la,semangat kenegerian ni sebenarnya tak ada nilai, tak ada "soul". Kata kan la lu lahir kat satu negeri ni,tapi mak bapak lu datang daripada negeri lain. Jadi celah mana nak dapat nilai semangat kenegerian ni? Semangat ni cuma ada pada loghat saja. Benda ni lain dengan semangat kesukuan @ kepuakkan. Sebagai contoh, semangat Iban, Kadazan, Bidayuh, Jawa, Minang, Banjar & Mandailing. Bahasa yang diorang guna,bukan nye loghat, tapi memang bahasa yang lain. Semangat suku @ puak ni,lu kena campak pergi negeri mana-mana pun, masih lagi ada "roh" nye tu. Bagi gua,ni lagi ade signifikan, kalau betul-betul nak ada sangat semangat-semangat macam ni la.

Bukan ape, gua dulu pun semangat negeri jugak. Tapi makin lama, otak gua yang kecik ni dah mula terbuka sikit. Tak payah la nak ada semangat macam ni,lagi memecah-belahkan negara kita ni saja. Setakat semangat negeri masa tengok bola,lain cerita la. Kalau dah melibatkan benda-benda lain,gua rasa tak ada makna nya. Pusing mana-mana pun,we're still made in Malaysia...

Sekian gua merapu..

resolusi oktober

Pejam celik,pejam celik.......dah masuk bulan ke-10 dalam kalendar Masihi. Ya murid-murid sekalian, kita dah masuk bulan Oktober. Apakah yang telah anda dapat sepanjang tahun ini? Telahkah anda menjadi seorang insan yang lebih berinovasi serta berketrampilan? Jika ditanya kepada sang penulis karya merepek "dungeon of doom" ini,sudah semestinya jawapan yang akan terpacul daripda mulutnya yang comel dan berkerak ini......TIDAK.  Dah 2 semester gua buat jahanam kepada diri gua sendiri. Gua dah tak sanggup bai hidup macam ini. Dah ramai kawan-kawan gua yang dulu hampeh daripada gua sekarang dah makin mantap. Apa cer dengan gua? Makin teruk,merudum,merapu dan yang sedaerah dengannya. Poket gua pun dah makin cepat kering,study pun macam dulu,tak menentuBoros sangat ke gua semester ni?. Padahal masa mula-mula sampai sini dulu OK je semua. Start semester 2 ni la hidup gua jadi macam haram. Ke-HARAM-man ni berkesinambungan sehinggalah ke semester yang baru. Jadi, sambil-sambil makan roti jala yang mak gua buat pagi tadi,gua nak jadi lebih skema daripada dulu. Gua ada buat list dalam kepala otak gua, yang akan gua zahirkan di bawah ini...

Resolusi yang langsi

1. Belanja kurang daripada RM 10 sehari (tertakluk kepada sebarang pindaan)
2. Makan dekat tempat yang murah-murah sahaja
3. Kurangkan penggunaan kereta secara kerap. Ini adalah efisien dalam mengelakkan penggunaan minyak petrol F1 97 Esso yang berpatutan harganya dewasa ini.
4. Mengurangkan kadar penghijrahan ke tempat-tempat yang tak wajar,lebih baik duduk di kolej. Meja,kerusi serta buku-buku ilmiah adalah teman di dalam bilik.
5. Habiskan masa di fakulti. Cari kes-kes serta soalan-soalan peperiksaan tahun lepas.
6. Sebarang bentuk pengaruh tidak berpatutan daripada mana-mana pihak berkaitan perkara yang tiada kena-mengena dengan Peperiksaan Akhir akan dipertimbangkan secara berat sebelah. Tidak akan bertanggungjawab sekiranya tidak dilayan langsung.
7. Tidak akan berpihak kepada mana-mana pihak yang bertegang urat.

Gua rasa itu saja la kot. Tak tau la gua boleh buat semua ke tak. Tapi memang gua nak buat,pasal hidup gua tenang masa semester 1 dulu, pasal gua buat hampir semua benda ni. Mungkin gua kena pentingkan diri sendiri dulu,daripada fikirkan nak jaga hati orang yang bukan semua reti jaga hati gua balik. Kalau ada pihak-pihak yang kurang senang,tak puas hati atau terasa hati, gua ada 2 huruf nak bagi kat lu olang...

F.U

Lu teka la sendiri apa signifikan dua huruf ni..sekian.......

between me and you

For the past 20 year, the world keeps on comparing,distinguishing between the both of us. I know it seems silly,but then again,not even you can deny the truthfullness of this fact,right? From the way we dress,we walk,we talk,every single aspect,even the dumbest of all things. You were born an orphan, the youngest of four. You told me how hard the life was back in those black and white days. Yet none of this were to become an obstacle for you. You strive the hardest amongst all,achieving so many success in your life. You studied both domestically and internationally. In continuation, you became what you always wanted,your cup of tea. You contributed so much for the past few decades to your job. Your were gifted with a a great mind and vision. Applauses and compliments were given from every angle. Each and everyday you grew proud of yourself. Well,you deserve it though.

Then came....ME. The one you thought would be the heir to all your success. I grew up admiring you,acknowlodging each an everything you do.You taught me with everthing you knew. I knew, you wanted me to be just like you. But come on,you knew deep down, I am nothing more than a failure, right? I entered 3 different,yet prestigous alma maters. How does that contributed to my self-developement? Does that make me a different person at his own level? Just look at me, I am nothing even an inch close to you. I seldom past any of my test with flying colours. The one's which even did might just be my luck, I guess. I'm badly organized,not to mention the level of clumsiness I could offer. I didn't went to study abroad, though I dreamt(might just always be a dream) to do so. I'm a jerk, a worthless piece of junk. Yet you never tell it straight to my face.,maybe you still have that tiny inch of believe that I could change.

I don't know, whether you still trust me, or slowly losing it. Remember back a few years ago,how harsh you treated me? How you looked down on me regarding many things such as my examination results,the way I look,even to the girls I tried to date. Remember how I retaliated? All those devious acts I've done in the past....you...yes,you were the catapulting catalyst that made me insane enough to carry such act. We keep on arguing for most of the time. I have no place to roam. Thus, I turned to my friends,my beloved blood-brothers who keeps on standing next to me through thick or thin....

You know what, I respect you in any reasonable circumstances. You are my mentor. Yet to be honest, I do despise you in certain ways. From day to day, I knew, both of us were not meant to be parallel. I tried,but I can't. Like I said earlier, I am nothing like you. Maybe I am not destined to be as accomplished,as well-organized like you. It's okay if you look at me as a mere regrettable creature...I just want you to know,I'm sorry..............

1 Syawal

Pada detik jari gua menulis karangan merepek ini, bulan Syawal sudah pun menjengah hari yang keempat. Bersyukur ke hadrat Illahi, bulan Ramadhan yang penuh barakah telah gua lalui. Dengan jaya atau tak,itu berserah pada-Nya. Gua pun tak tau la,sama ada bulan Ramadhan yang baru lepas ni telah gua penuhi dengan aktivti yang baik atau tak. Harap2,semua amalan gua dari sekecik biji kurma yang gua selalu main campak kat adik gua, hinggalah sebesar kapal kargo yang selalu berlabuh kat Pelabuhan Klang ni diterima Allah.  Perjalanan gua pulang ke kampung halaman di Batu 17, Ayer Tawar, Perak bermula pada hari terakhir puasa, di mana roket yang dipandu bapak gua akan berlepas dengan kelajuan 170km/J. Setelah melakukan pendaratan dengan aman di kawasan dituju, kami pun berehat. Kampung gua ni aneh sikit. Walaupun dalam negeri Perak,rata-rata orang dekat sini cakap bahasa Mandailing,jarang cakap Perak. Nasib gua faham dua2. Malam sebelum raya gua pergi jalan2 dekat Lumut. Gua agak terkejut beruk bila tengok Lumut sekarang dah ada Bazaar Rakyat. OK la,kira Datuk Seri Dr Zambry ni ada la jugak bagi sesuatu kat penduduk dekat sini. Lepas tu,"si dia" call gua. 1st time beraya dengan orang baru,orang baru yang sayangkan gua. Adoi sangap sungguh gua ni. Sayang dia sangat2!!

Pada pagi 1 Syawal,kami sekeluarga bergerak ke masjid untuk Solat Aidilftri.

Masjid tempat gua Solat raya setiap tahun.

Masjid ni semakin lama semakin maju. Dah ada air-cond,tu yang penting. Habis saja solat ialah masa paling mantap bagi gua. Masa ni la nak berpeluk,bersalam dengan semua saudara mara gua. Gua rasa bangga bila tengok rata-rata orang kampung gua yang turun masa solat raya ni,semuanya berjaya dalam bidang masing-masing. Antaranya, Datuk Zulhasnan Najib Baharudin, yang kini menjawat jawatan Pengarah Jabatan Siasatan Jenayah Narkotik, Ibu Pejabat Bukit Aman. Jawatan ni tinggi bai,betul2 bawah Timbalan Ketua Polis Negara. Tak gua lupakan Datuk Abdul Rahim Uda, kini Hakim Mahkamah Tinggi Terengganu. Dulu masa dia Penasihat Undang-Undang Negeri Perak,gua pernah ziarah dia dengan abah. Mungkin beliau la sebab gua mula-mula terfikir nak belajar undang-undang dulu. Rasa bangga jugak la,hampir tiap2 raya dapat jabat tangan dengan mereka. Tapi gua sampai sekarang masih tak puas hati,pasal Tan Sri Alimuddin Mohd Dom,Ketua Pengarah Pelajaran Malaysia kini,dah lama tak balik kampung. Beliau pernah jadi pengetua sekolah gua selama 5 tahun,1999-2003. Gua ingat lagi,masa gua mula2 masuk sekolah menengah dulu,bapak gua yang cakap, Pengetua sekolah kau ni orang kampung kita. Beliau cukup mesra. Sampai ke tahap dia selesa budak-budak panggil dia "Ayahanda". Beliau ni sangat la disukai semua warga sekolah gua. Lemah-lembut,mesra tapi tegas. Batch gua, MC0307 banyak terhutang budi dengan beliau. Terima kasih Ayahanda. Harap kami dapat bertenu Ayahanda.
Melihat mereka ni, gua rasa bangga. Sekurang-kurangnya masa balik raya ni,dapat la gua sikit motivasi nak berjaya. Agak segan la bila diorang tanya; "Are you reading law?" "How's your result?". Adoi memang malu la nak cakap. Tapi tak apa, gua akan try dapat keputusan yang lebih mantap semester ni. InsyaAllah.

Gua punya Pak Long

Bersama Khair Azim,budak sekolah merangkap orang kampung gua

Habis saja solat,gua bergerak ke kubur. Ziarah kubur arwah atuk

Jangan usha gua,usha venue tempat gua bergambar.

Ni dekat rumah mak ngah. Bapak gua lepas geram.

ni dekat Istana Raja Bilah, Papan.

Abang Eja, Abah, Aban Cik

Kami sempat ziarah tanah abah kejap. Mungkin pasal belum musim,jadi tak ada buah. Bapak gua rancang nak balik sini lepas bersara.

Pendek kata,sepanjang hari pertama Raya ni tak banyak yang gua buat. Nama pun hari 1st. Lepas ni mungkin gua nak ziarah rumah2 kawan gua,specially yang dah nak pulang belajar ke seberang laut. InsyaAllah,gua datang raya rumah lu.

Kepada abah,mak,adik, "dia" yang gua sayang, rakan-rakan, dan seluruh umat Islam,gua nak ucap..

Selamat Hari Raya

Maaf Zahir & Batin