Quite awhile..................not sure why though. It seems my tendency to open this page has been decreasing for this past few months. My previous post might tell the whole story,but no all,I guess. I'm a little bit busy,doing sorts of rigmarole since the beginning of this hectic semester. My wallet are getting lighter each and every week. I need to go back home almost every f***ing weekends,just to get down on my knees in front of my dad,the only way to re-fill the emptiness in my pocket. I am now going through a special month, a month they call Ramadhan. One of the holiest month in the Islamic calendar. More than a week of this month had passed,yet I feel that there is nothing to it. I go the mosque almost every night,performing the Tarawikh prayers. But this awkward feeling of obscurity and frustration keeps on bugging me. Maybe those nights at the mosque were not enough for me to get rewarded from Him. I seldom read the Holy Qoran nowadays, or even performing the Dhoha prayers in the morning even if I have that little leisure time. I miss those days back in Kuala Kangsar. Back then, I may not be the most cunning or loveable of all of students, but still, I spent most of my Ramadhan in the surau from day to day. This new life of mine might have tones of freedom, but spiritually, I am getting worse. Reminiscing those days makes me remember, how I went through this fasting months without the love of both my parents as I was staying in a boarding school. Instead of breaking fast with them, I am doing it with a new bunch of guys, a bunch of guys that now I consider my blood-brothers. Remembering all those hard times we shared together, it makes me happy,makes me smile. I never thaught of getting into drugs,being a notorious school gangster or even getting involve in any nonsence puppy-love syndromes, because I have you guys to feel my life with all sorts of laughter,happiness and most importantly,brotherly-love. Thanks guys. Jom Murni!!!!!!!!!!!!
Getting back to my core business,studying. I might say that it started quiet brightly, I fell in love with two Islamic Law subjects. Hope to score A's on both subjects. Still a long way to go. I have started planning on my future. I am a kind of guy who will never be satisfied in any circumstances. I still have some other things to fulfill after this four years,and I'm not going to let anything or even anyone to be an obstacle for me in reaching it. Jealousy...yes,jealousy. This is the element that droves me in reaching my goal. He has been looking down on me since school. I'll prove to him one day, I might be living with your cash,but sooner or later, I'll be a filthier man with tones of money of my own.
Right now,there is nothing more vital for me than to study. This is my priority. I'm not here for enjoyment,I'm not here to be in any serious relationships(yet I am right now). Hope there is a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel I am passing through. It has been years since I was a notorious guy.....I am not looking back.
Ramadhan is not over yet. God,give me that strength..that strength for me to feel this Holy Month of Yours with all the Blessfull deeds that I could possibly manage.....
Amin.......
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